Tuesday, August 18, 2009

I Want My Adjectives Back

Specifically I want the word “gay” returned. It was stolen from us and I want it back. The word was snatched by the homosexual community and changed into a noun …. Or something else just as queer.

Now when I was a young guy…. when I was a boy, there was queer…… which was just as an egregious wordnapping as the heinous abduction of “gay”. I didn’t really know what queer was, nor did I care. And I swear that’s the way it should have been….. and should still be. Queer was something that you were if you wore a pink shirt, or walked through the middle door at school, or wore pink and green on Thursday. We were a sophisticated lot. There was this knowledge that queer referred to homosexuality but what was that? Really? Blow jobs? Fudge pack’n? We really had no clue. And then it happened…… homosexuals started to take offence at being called homosexuals. And I guess they really didn’t like “homo” the short form, even though it conveys perfectly the situation.

But what if it had been “gleeful” instead of “gay”? We now would be saying something like….. “he’s gleeful” or he’s glee….. that’s SO glee, or he’s a member of the gleeful lesbian task force. We’d be talking about “glees” in the military. Or what about “happy go lucky”? We could call them HGLs. The HGL task force. Stupid you say? Well all right then…….


The word is accurate. It’s precise and it takes away the need to discriminate between males and females. When they give me my adjectives back, there will be no more lesbians. This may happen anyway, because there’s a group of people on the Greek island of Lesbos that are suing the “Greek Homosexual and Lesbian Community of Greece” because currently they are unable to identify themselves with their home island. 90,000 TRUE Lesbians who can not identify themselves as such. What do they say when asked where they’re from? So, Zorba…. Where you from? I’m a Lesbian. Yeah right, where you from? No really, I’m a Lesbian. It’s even worse for little Aalexis. How’s she EVER going to get a date?

So. All you HOMOs out there…… get over it, stop tap dancing (sorry) around it and give me my God damned adjectives back.

And that’s what an average guy thinks.

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