Monday, January 18, 2010

You Might Be Well Off If

If you've ever gone down to the marina in April and found your boat in your private slip with food and beer in the ice box and fresh gas in the tank without ever having so much as to have made a phone call.....
You might be well off.

If your refrigerator is always about 1/2 to 3/4 full of your favorite foods, but you never go to the store.....
You might be well off.

If you don't know who cuts your grass or how much they charge.....
You might be well off.

If you're on a first name basis with your attorney you could be a repeating felon, but on the other hand......
You might be well off.

If you're middle aged, pale, a little over weight, and still have a hot Latin lover you could be great in bed, or.....
You might be well off.

If you’re driving through Arkansas and you can’t figure out why they put tires on top of their mobile homes you may be a clueless idiot, but to be charitable…..
You might be well off.

And if you live in Arkansas and the tires on top of your mobile home are painted white…..
You might be well off.

If you’ve ever had dinner with your doctor that didn’t involve change for the snack machines in the hospital lounge, and they weren’t wearing scrubs…..
You might be well off.

If you’ve ever bought a house and not wondered (at least a little) if your mortgage application would be approved…..
You might be well off.

If you don’t know what a FICA score is, you could just be hopelessly na├»ve, but……
You might be well off.

If you were born in the United States and you speak fluent French.....
You might be well off.


If your father changed the name of your family business to something less recognizable…..
You might be well off.

If you’re not a commercial pilot but you ARE certified to fly more than one type of aircraft…..
You might be well off.

If your dad drives a Cadillac and you want one anyway…..
You might be well off.

If you don’t live in a mountain state, or on a muddy road and you STILL bought a Hummer…..
You might be well off.

If you chose diaper service vs disposables based on something besides price…..
You might be well off.

If none of your children has ever owned a pair of perfectly good, hardly used shoes from a thrift store…..
You might be well off.

If you’re wondering how YOU are going to put your kids through college…..
You might be well off.

If you have to rush around in the evening to get your kids to the “learning center” so they can get their homework done…..
You might be well off.

If you pay as much in property taxes on your vehicles every year as the “Assistant Manager” down at the fish place earns …..
You might be well off.

If you pay cash for a run down dump so you can fix it up and double your money.....
You might be well off.

If you own a horse, but don’t live within ¼ mile of that animal…..
You might be well off.

If you own more than one horse, but no cattle…..
You might be well off.



If you can afford to pay someone to whack your spouse AND a high powered defense team to get you off…..
You might be well off.

If photographers hang out in your neighbors driveway to catch you coming out to get your paper….. You might be extraordinarily good looking, OR
You might be well off.

If people are lined up to go through your garbage….. You may just be a really good cook, you may be on trial for the murder of your movie star spouse, be divorcing your movie star spouse, OR
You might be well off.

If your lawnmower is made by the same company that makes huge farm tractors…..
You might be well off.

If your front yard is big enough to put another house in…..
You might be well off.

If you live in a desert area and still have a Kentucky Blue Grass lawn…..
You might be well off.

If none of the wine in your cellar has a screw top,…..
You might be well off.

If none of your wine came from a “farm”…..
You might be well off.

If none of your wine came in a rectangular package……
You might be well off.

If you didn’t know that Sears no longer publishes a “big book”…..
You might be well off.

If you have children living at home and you don’t know what milk costs…..
You might be well off.

If you live in an apartment with a REAL fireplace…..
You might be well off.

If you don’t know what, or how to order at a McDonalds…..
You might be well off.




If you’re wearing a $500 suit of clothes but don’t have a bank card, a check book, or money on you, you might be an unscrupulous, manipulative, con artist….. but You might just be well off.

If you buy five pounds of individually priced apples instead of a bag…..
You might be well off.

If your commuter vehicle weighs more than 5,000 pounds and doesn’t say Greyhound on the side…..
You might be well off.

If the IRS will let you write off a Hummer as a legitimate business expense…..
You might be well off.

If you show up to work one day only to find out your position has been eliminated, and your first thought is that this could be the opportunity to rethink your personal priorities that you’ve been waiting for, rather than the beginning of a catastrophic financial crisis…..
You might be well off.

Barack Obama Is a Bad Man

Barack Obama is a bad man. Oh alright, maybe he isn’t really a bad man. He is, after all, by all accounts a loving, devoted father and husband. You have to like that, but it’s about all one can find on the “like” side of the ledger.

Barack Obama is like an iceberg, showing only a tenth of his mass while nine tenths remain carefully hidden. Not hidden really, because it’s all there to see. Hidden in plain sight is more like it. Does he believe in black liberation theology? I don’t know, but he sat and was ministered to by a man who does, a man who he chose to marry him to his wife, to baptize his children, and one who he called his mentor. Does he share the national goals of a domestic terrorist who actually bombed the Pentagon? I don’t know, but his political “coming out party” was held in the home of one. Does he believe that Americans should pay much more for fuel and electricity? This is not in question and is well documented on recent video: “under my plan utility rates would necessarily skyrocket”. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlTxGHn4sH4) Does he believe in socialism? I don’t know, but he has advocated a monstrous reform of the health care system that will amount to the government take over of that system and the accompanying one sixth of the entire US economy. Does he believe in the redistribution of wealth, that success is to be punished? It would appear so. Do the majority of American voters agree with these ideas? It would appear not. So why then was this man elected President of the United States of America?

The siren harmonies of wealth redistribution and “social justice” seduced the minorities of color and the progressive wing of the Democratic Party, but what about the conservative Democrats, Independents, and moderate Republicans that actually made the election? These groups of mostly white voters were perhaps ashamed that it had taken so long for the system, in which they had been taught all things were possible and that every person had the opportunity to become anything they wanted (even President), to produce a person of color (a black man in this case) that they could comfortably support as a presidential candidate without fear or misgiving. Here was a black candidate who made the stock promises that politicians make; a chicken in every pot, a car in every garage. He railed against the previous unpopular administration and his minions vilified his opponents so that he didn’t have to be personally involved with anything that would give the appearance that he could possibly be mean spirited. When it was over he and many Senators and Congressmen had ridden a wave of anti-incumbency into office. Everyone was so happy and proud. Expectations were high, and even the Europeans expected a complete transformation.

But now we’re about four years into the new administration and something unexpected has happened, and it wasn’t the fundamental change that candidate Obama promised. The President’s approval ratings have gone down significantly (precipitously some say) while his personal approval ratings have remained fairly high. Some commentators say this can be accounted for by the fact that he’s a remarkably likable guy with a “gift” and that he’s managed to somehow keep himself separate from his policies. But it’s much simpler than that. People in the center of the electorate are NOW truly ashamed. They are ashamed that they fell for the same old song and dance. Toto didn’t even have to pull the curtain away to expose the Wizard as he was standing in the open the whole time saying clearly who he was and what he intended to do, and the people voted for him anyway. When he said: “We are five days away from fundamentally transforming the United States of America” people heard it, but didn’t take the time to think about what he really meant, and they're ashamed to admit it.

But that’s just what an average guy thinks.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Ways To Tell That He Isn't That Into You

IF:

On a camping trip to the deep woods he tells you that a couple of garlic capsules will keep mosquitoes away as well as those “harsh” chemical repellents.

He buys a $1M life insurance policy on YOU so that you don’t have to worry about what might happen to HIM.

He disconnects the passenger seatbelt warning buzzer because he knows you’ll be more comfortable without that irritating belt and turns off the passenger air bag because it’ll “increase fuel efficiency”.

He offers to take you and the kids on a mid-winter, midnight camping trip in a frigid wilderness area.

After watching The Godfather II he offers to take you fishing Christmas Eve, on a lonely lake and explains that you need the tarp and duct tape to carry home all the fish.

He serves you breakfast in bed with orange juice out of what looks like it may be a Prestone jug.

He buys a shovel at the hardware store even though you have no garden.

He tells you he’s pretty sure that he read somewhere that after 5 tequila shots you’ll still be okay to drive home for about 45 minutes.

He tells the evil sorceress you can’t resist a crisp red delicious apple.

He calls you up to tell you those sirens you hear outside are weather “interest” alert sirens and you should grab the camera and go outside into the most open space you can find to take neat cloud pictures.

He tells you it’s perfectly safe to use your hair dryer in the bath tub.

He consistently gives you Tylenol for a hangover.

He’s constantly telling you to get a little closer to the animal cages so he can get a better picture.

He teaches you that the best way to avoid a bear attack in the woods is to be really really quiet as you’re walking, and if you DO see a bear to run away as fast as you can.

He may not be THAT into you.

But that’s just what an average guy thinks.